Introspective Solipsist Phony Baloney #1

I forged myself out of a vacuum. I am a human anvil. I am who I am because I chose such. I could have strung along the typical, expected, and instilled path. I chose not to follow it of my own volition, because I didn't like what little it had to offer. This has made my life infinitely more difficult in almost every way, being self-aware I realise the futility of it all. All I truly have is myself; No crutches whether they be drugs or faith or anything else. I guess you could say I'm a solipsist. A unique and disadvantaged disposition. Outcast even among outcasts, but I was always comfortable there. Funnily, I know you don't care, yet I don't care that you don't care. I'm just babbling away to myself. But if you must take anything away from this, it's like Carlin said, remember any cynic is just a disappointed idealist.

Poetry: Something in the Night

NOTE: This is being turned into a song by my band, FIPHSD.


I woke up late in the middle of the night
In one of the coldest sweats I've ever felt
I couldn't remember why I was stricken by fright
I figured I'd get up to walk just a little bit

As I crept through the dark and wet yard
I realized I had begun to travel rather far
I looked up at that cold and bright moon
I had this curious feeling I was being watched

I turned over my shoulder
and I noticed that up in the pines
There was something up there
There were two fiery eyes

I froze just for a moment in my fear
I wondered what I was doing here
Why had I trekked ever so far?
Just to be doomed 'neath the stars

I turned back and ran for my home
I could feel the beast's flapping wings
His shadow before me from moonlight shone
And I'm running so fast the wind it stings

I felt as if my heart would leave my chest
My only chance was to give it my all
There was not a single moment for rest
I had to get away from it's gaping maw

I felt the warm embrace of death
And I woke in the middle of the night
In the coldest sweat I've ever felt
And this thing never sat quite right

Something calls me in the night
It's always just out of the light
Something calls me in the night
This thing never sat quite right

Poetry: Generic Self Hate Song in C

NOTE: This one is being turned into a song by my band, FIPHSD.



I can't help but think that life is overrated
and all your accomplishments are overstated
It goes from grey to a colour oversaturated
Your way of life is something I always hated

I try to find meaning and I just don't see it
I've read all the books and I can't believe it
I like some people and the things we create
But overall it's just a world filled with hate

It's always been the humble and noble few
Who have given me any reason to mildew
I don't want to hurt anyone for any reason
So I'll have to wait out the end of my season

Sometimes I just can't stand myself
Sometimes I wanna take it off the shelf
My patience is wearing my patience thin
But it's alright, in a while I'll be okay again

I think what takes the best of us
seems to always hurt the rest of us
I think saying our loving goodbyes
could take us the rest of our lives

I didn't ask for this
You didn't ask for this
We didn't ask for this
Why did we receive this?

I've heard them say life is a gift
But from whom and for what?
Well I'd like to thank whomever
For giving me what I didn't want